After 30+ years in the cigar world, I’ve learned one simple truth: there are only two kinds of cigar aficionados.
Type One: The Buyer. These are the people who stroll into the shop, pick a stick, hand over their cash (or card - we’re not purists about payment methods), and savor every puff like it’s a small but significant, luxurious life decision. They know what they like, they try new things, and they treat themselves without apology. They’ll chat about blends, recommend a new brand they love, and - shockingly - show up with cigars when it’s someone else’s turn to light up. They’re dependable, delightful, and the reason tobacconists still have smiles.
Type Two: The Moocher. Ah yes, the majestic freebie connoisseur. They’ll wax lyrical about the flavours of a parfait-wrapped Habano while never once having fingered a price tag. They will announce, with great drama, that they “live for cigars,” then spend the next two hours sampling everyone else’s. They’ll tell you about the one time they had a $100 cigar at a friend’s party (and how it changed their life), but somehow never produce their wallet. If you’ve ever been at a gathering and noticed someone who disappears at the exact moment the bill arrives, you’ve probably met a Moocher in their native habitat.
Now, don’t get me wrong - I love both types.
Type One keeps the industry alive, and Type Two keeps the party interesting. But the Moocher’s confidence is an art form: they can describe the subtle notes of cedar and espresso, critique construction and burn, and still expect a complimentary stick. They’ll tell you they’re “building a collection” while their collection consists of three cigar bands tucked into a passport.
Some people suspect Moochers are the same folks who never buy a round at the bar. Certainly, I suspect they’re related - perhaps cousins separated at birth. Both share a firm belief that the world owes them a good time. Both employ advanced social techniques (smile, compliment & wait for the opportune exhale) to secure the goods.
The hard reality is, for every single cigar I have gifted in my life as The Cigar Merchant; not one of those giftees have ever eventuated into a customer.
It is a common story amongst Kiwi aficionados, the majority all have the same experience; friends who enjoy their cigars; but never bring a cigar and reciprocate the gifting.
Some even seem to consider your humidor "open season" - I've been to a few party's over the years where this has happened and the look of utter horror on the hosts face when a guest pulls out an OpusX or similarly amazing cigar that was aging nicely for a special occasion.
Because nine times out of ten, your not going to turn around and say "uh no, put that back" - well, I do; but thats just my charming disposition...
A few tips I’ve learned for dealing with both species:
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If you’re a Buyer, keep doing what you’re doing. Your tastebuds and tobacconist appreciate & thank you.
- If you’re a Moocher who truly loves cigars, try buying one occasionally. The experience of choosing your own stick is a whole new level of joy (and it makes future mooching feel slightly less embarrassing).
- If you’re hosting a cigar night, designate a “bring one, take one” rule. It keeps things fair and your friend group less awkward.
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And if you spot a Moocher coming, offer them a beverage first. It’s human nature to reciprocate and see if they can actually complete that simple gesture.
At the end of the day, cigars are about pleasure, company and stories. Whether you pay for every stick or live on generosity and charm; we all share the same ember at the end of the cigar.
Just try not to be the person who always leaves when the tab arrives - unless you’re bringing dessert.
See you next Sunday; and if you’re in the shop, I’ll be the one smiling and chatting with the Buyers and eyeing the Moochers with an affectionate suspicion.
